How to Forget Things (& Finally Move On With Life)

Ever catch yourself reliving memories you'd rather forget, like a broken record playing on repeat? Whether these memories induce cringes or are downright distressing, there are methods to reduce their frequency

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5 min

Addressing the Emotions Tied to the Memory

The anguish associated with painful memories often stems from unresolved emotions. Merely attempting to push these memories aside won’t address the underlying feelings and traumas.

Frequently, by navigating the emotional pain connected to the memory, its impact can diminish, releasing its hold on you without erasing the recollection entirely. This process serves as a form of self-healing.

Psychologist and Ph.D. James Pennebaker introduces an approach known as Expressive Writing to navigate emotions. This involves dedicating 20 minutes to write about your emotional distress.

In a study where 66 healthcare professionals engaged in expressive writing for 20 minutes daily for three consecutive days, participants exhibited increased positive emotions and reduced negative emotions during the study and even one month later 1.

Action Step: Give expressive writing a try!

– Write continuously for 20 minutes.

– Don’t concern yourself with grammar, spelling, style, or structure.

– Delve into your deepest feelings and thoughts about traumatic, emotional, or stressful memories that have impacted you. Consider addressing something you wouldn’t typically discuss in detail with anyone.

– If it becomes too overwhelming, take a break and contemplate seeking professional support.

For additional insights on journaling, refer to this post.

Monitor Your Memory Triggers

A helpful strategy for handling painful memories involves recognizing the factors that trigger them.

Maintaining a comprehensive journal can reveal patterns and pinpoint moments when these memories resurface.

This awareness enables you to foresee and manage potential emotional reactions or even steer clear of specific triggers when needed.

Action Step: Weekly, document instances when a painful memory resurfaces. Make a concerted effort to identify the specific catalyst for the memory. Was it triggered by something you observed? A particular scent? Another thought?

Eliminate Unnecessary Triggers

At times, objects closely linked to a painful memory serve as persistent reminders, reigniting emotions and thoughts we’re trying to overcome.

For instance, if a ukulele in the corner of your apartment consistently brings back distressing memories of a past altercation with an ex-partner, donating it to Goodwill might be a beneficial step.

Consciously modifying your surroundings allows you to actively participate in your healing journey, cultivating a space that fosters positivity and personal growth rather than lingering pain and nostalgia.

Action Step: Take stock of any triggers within your control. For such items, contemplate giving them away, donating them, repurposing them into an art project, or even symbolically releasing them through burning.

Establish Fresh Associations with Triggers

If eliminating memory triggers proves challenging, consider forging new associations 2 with them.

For instance, suppose the scent of cinnamon consistently brings back distressing memories of a childhood incident involving your mom baking cinnamon rolls. In that case, you can intentionally create new associations with that aroma. Invite a friend to make cinnamon pancakes together or enjoy watching people attempting the cinnamon challenge.

Action Step: Identify one trigger connected to your painful memory. Can you intentionally create a new, positive memory associated with this trigger?

Infuse Positivity into Your Memory

An intriguing study 3 discovered that recalling the positive aspects of painful memories altered how individuals’ brains responded to those memories.

Memory isn’t static; researchers 4 have found that each time you recollect an event, you pick up the memory and reshape it. With each recollection, the memory undergoes subtle changes. For instance, if you recall a joyful event while experiencing sadness, the recollection may be less joyous than it originally was.

Harnessing this understanding allows you to introduce positive associations into unpleasant memories. Each time you revisit the memory, add a touch of warmth to it.

Action Step: Over the next few days, when confronted with a painful memory, attempt to pause and bring forth a positive aspect of that memory that you wouldn’t typically focus on.

Engage in Exposure Therapy

Exposure therapy 5, a behavioral therapy form, proves particularly effective in addressing and managing emotionally charged memories. It has demonstrated success in alleviating symptoms of PTSD 6 and anxiety disorders 7.

The approach involves systematically confronting the source of fear in a controlled, secure environment, aiming to break the cycle of fear and avoidance. Exposure therapy often follows a ‘fear ladder’ approach.

For instance, consider someone with a traumatic car accident memory. In exposure therapy, they might initially discuss cars and driving, activities avoided since the incident. Progressing, they may visualize driving (imaginal exposure), watch safe driving videos, and eventually sit in a stationary car (in vivo exposure).

Watch this video of a doctor using exposure therapy to confront his fear of bees: https://youtu.be/2z-ZGt_vD5A

Action Step: Does your painful memory trigger fear or anxiety in specific situations? Break down the memory and your response into more manageable parts:

– Identify Specific Triggers: Pinpoint elements triggering fear or anxiety. Is it a place, time of day, type of interaction, or certain sounds/smells?

– Create a Fear Hierarchy: Arrange triggers by anxiety level, from least to most.

– Develop a Gradual Exposure Plan: Start with the least anxiety-inducing trigger, exposing yourself safely. For example, if fear is linked to driving after an accident, begin with looking at car pictures.

– Implement Relaxation Techniques: Practice techniques like deep breathing or meditation before and during exposure to manage anxiety.

– Gradually Increase Exposure: Progressively face more challenging triggers as comfort with lower-level exposure grows. Avoid rushing the process and ensure readiness for each step.

– Reflect and Journal: After each exposure, reflect on feelings, what worked, what didn’t, and potential adjustments.

If professional support for exposure therapy is desired, explore in-person or online therapy through this resource.

Transform Pain into a Project to Support Others

Converting a negative memory into an art project or creative endeavor can serve as a cathartic process, aiding in the digestion of the experience while contributing to the well-being of others.

Engaging creatively with the painful memory allows it to adopt new associations, shedding its role solely as a source of pain and evolving into a symbol of resilience and purpose.

Sharing your creative work holds equal power. It becomes an act of vulnerability that fosters connection, extending comfort to those grappling with their own challenges.

Action Step: Consider transforming your painful memory into a blog post, painting, song, or any other creative expression. Alternatively, explore a new hobby. Bonus points if you have an audience or group to share it with 8.

Art therapy, rooted in the transformative power of creativity to transmute suffering, has demonstrated effectiveness in alleviating depression and enhancing mental health. If you’re interested in the guidance of a professional art therapist, check out this online repository.

Embrace Mindfulness

Research 9 suggests that being present in the moment can assist individuals in navigating painful memories, fostering acceptance of past experiences and staying emotionally attuned.

Mindfulness, a straightforward yet potent tool, involves observing the current moment—both internally and externally—without attempting to alter what you perceive.

Through mindfulness practice, you learn to observe thoughts and feelings related to the memory without becoming overwhelmed. This approach creates a space between you and the memory, enabling a responsive rather than impulsive reaction.

The outcome may be a heightened sense of control, inner peace, and a reduction in the emotional response intensity linked to the memory.

Mindfulness can be incorporated into meditation or seamlessly integrated into your daily activities.

Additionally, explore a guided meditation mindfulness techniques for further assistance.

Understanding How Human Memory Works

To effectively navigate your memories, it’s beneficial to comprehend how they form in your brain. Let’s explore the various types of memory and the stages of memory formation.

Encoding: The Inceptive Phase of Memory Formation

Encoding marks the initial step in transforming perceptions into memories, much like capturing a moment with a camera to store in the brain.

There are various types of encoding, including visual (what we see), auditory (what we hear), and semantic (the meaning of our experiences). Consider “encoding” as the inaugural imprint of an event into short-term memory.

Consolidation: Establishing Memory Stability

Consolidation involves stabilizing a memory after its initial encoding. In this phase, the brain organizes and transfers the memory into long-term storage. Not all short-term encoded memories make it to long-term storage, explaining why you may not recall the barista’s name from a Starbucks visit in 2015!

Reconsolidation: Memory’s Adaptive Nature

Reconsolidation occurs when a stored memory is recalled and revisited. Each time a memory is revisited, it becomes malleable—subject to slight alterations influenced by current emotions, perspectives, or misinformation.

The intriguing aspect of memories is their lack of stability or static nature. Memory researcher Elizabeth Loftus 10 notes that remembering is “more akin to putting puzzle pieces together than retrieving a video recording,” leading to the unreliability of eyewitness testimonials.

This malleability of memories poses both challenges and opportunities. While it can result in distorted memories over time, it also provides an opportunity to diminish the emotional impact of a memory 11.

FAQs on How to Forget Something

How to make yourself forget something?

Fully erasing a memory is nearly impossible, but you can reduce its emotional impact. Techniques like distraction, creating new associations, and cognitive-behavioral therapy can alter how you perceive and react to the memory.

How long does it take to forget something?

The time to forget varies based on emotional intensity and individual differences. Some memories fade quickly, while others linger for years. Actively working on altering your response can aid in the process of letting go.

Takeaways on How to Forget Something

Those memories can be tough to handle, but you’ve got some solid strategies to work with. Remember these key takeaways:

– Process the Feelings Around the Memory: Write it out, let those emotions flow.

– Track Your Memory Triggers: Identify what sets off those painful memories.

– Get Rid of Unnecessary Triggers: Remove anything that brings that memory to the forefront.

– Create New Associations with These Triggers: If you can’t eliminate them, build new, positive connections.

– Bring Positivity Into Your Memory: Focus on the positive aspects to reshape your associations.

– Exposure Therapy: Gradually face those emotional memories in a controlled environment.

– Turn Your Pain into a Project to Help Others: Transform your experience into something that supports and inspires.

If you’ve gone through intense trauma and need tools to move forward, that course might be just what you’re looking for. Wishing you strength on this journey!

Discover more opportunities for growth and learning by exploring all courses available on this page. Whether you’re looking to enhance your skills, gain new knowledge, or advance your career, we have something for everyone. Visit our courses page now and start your journey to mastery!

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